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#0 review

Hey friends

I'm looking to purchase a fine mower for $150.00. Please call, I'll come get it tomorrow. You have my word as a Schons.I don't do business without talking to someone though. I'm easy to talk to, and appreciate the opportunity to meet you besides. We're all in this world together and I believe in having friends at all points on the map. It makes your struggle in life easier. My grandfather told me long ago, "If you don't have a core group of friends you can trust and they can trust you, life can kick your butt every day of your life..... if you do have this core of loyal friends, life is good." Just letting you know my intentions. Have a nice day and I hope the best for you and yours.


#1 review

Dear stoned_geologist,

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I appreciate hearing from you. One of my most important responsibilities as a Senator is being trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision of terrorists who want to kill Americans, make my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? It is critical that the federal government have the resources and powers to counter these threats, fucker. As we speak, Congress is stepping in to make sure that the American people's privacy interests and other rights are safeguarded. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, to increase public disclosure about the impact of surveillance on the privacy of ordinary citizens. In 2015, Congress passed legislation, which President Obama signed into law, that reauthorized and modified section 215 so it cannot use the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps. On November 21, 2019, the Senate passed and President Trump signed into law a short-term continuing resolution which I will use to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “privacy” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue.But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it due to the COVID-19 pandemic. You’re fucking dead, do not hesitate to contact me in the future if I can be of assistance, kiddo.

Sincerely, Pasta Toomey

#2 review

I cut the ears off of my confirmed kills back in Nam, hung them from trees to dehydrate, then a made a necklace. My comrades would often joke out in the bush. "Hey, Rich put your 'ears' to the ground and see what's out there!" or "Hey Rich, it's 'EARily' quiet out here huh bruh?'! Whilst i knew it was weird, certainly macabre and twisted, i just knew i had to do it for a reason. Then that reason came. Our unit was pinned down in a crossfire 40 clicks North of Khe Sanh. The firefight lasted for well over 20 hours, laying in a rice paddy w/ Viet Cong infesting the tree lines. Screams cutting thru the night air from my injured. Being on Adrenalin for so long i knew, those of us still alive would soon perish. And then it hit me. I had what was akin to beef jerky strapped around my neck so i began eating the severed ears for nutrients. I soon gained enough energy from my ear necklace that I was able to run during an enemy reload to an unoccupied treeline. TO this day i feel instant rage when idiots like you talk about what the US of A Earmarks its budget for Military. Without me cutting such small pieces from the bigger 'picture' I wouldn't be alive today sir. That is how i feel about Military spending when asshats like you complain. -R

Sent from my Palm Pilot